What Did I Do Wrong?

About the Book- "It happens without warning, and it is devastating: Your closest girlfriend, the Ethel to your Lucy, the Thelma to your Louise, cuts you off completely. No more late-night phone calls or e-mails, no more catch-up lunches and dinners. She has decided for whatever reason to move on with her life, and left you to try to make sense of what happened. The experience can be as painful as the death of a loved one, and as confusing as an unexpected breakup with a significant other. You replay scenes from the friendship and wonder what you did wrong. Now in What Did I Do Wrong?: What to Do When You Don't Know Why the Relationship is Over, Liz Pryor sheds light on the situation."

Thoughts- It was refreshing to read a book that focuses attention on female friendships. It is ingrained in our minds through movies and books that woman are supposed to have lifelong best friends. "Best Friends Forever" from childhood bracelets, secrets shared across sleeping bags, and trips to the pool and mall, to first boyfriends, college, and future families. There is such an extensive amount of time and emotion invested in friendships such as these, but like romantic relationships, they too can undergo strains, challenges, and ends. The conclusion of a friendship can be just as heartbreaking, or even more, than the end of a romance based on the lack of closure. Not all friendships are lifelong, nor are they perfect. The problem was, there was no discussion about how to properly cut ties with a friend. It feels awkward, stressful, annoying, depressing, angry, and like a failure, all depending on which side
you're on. When people say, "My boyfriend and I broke up," there is an understanding of how to feel for that person. Why shouldn't the loss of a friendship invoke the same response? Liz Pryor finally answered the call, got the ball rolling. By saying that this swirling of feelings and confusion is valid, she captures the female spirit through a compilation of stories- uncomfortable, beautiful, and heart-wrenching (Gram's story!).

I appreciate Liz's familiar writing style. While never claiming to be an expert, it makes her observations and suggestions feel real and from the heart. Her personal stories woven throughout gave the book a nice reference point and backbone.

Through her journey in story-collecting, it is clear that communication during the breakup is problematic. Where's the how-to guide when you need it? By using avoidance, a woman may think she won't be hurting her friend's feelings (as opposed to coming right out and stating the troubles). On the other hand, the 2nd friend often knows she is being avoided and is hurt that the first friend won't just talk to her. A reoccurring suggestion throughout the book was to write a letter. This was the only point that I have uncertainty about. While a letter may be perfect for some breakups, it isn't for everyone or every situation. I know that Liz never came out and said that this was the be-all and end-all fix, but I would have liked to see if anything else may have surfaced as being effective. On more than one occasion, I've poured my soul into a letter to a friend to attempt to reach closure, only to receive no response.

Personally, I still wonder, "What did I do wrong?" regarding my own friendship breakup in the fall/winter of 2009. I know a breakup would have happened eventually with her, but I continue to wonder about her- how she is now, how everything happened so quickly, how things could have happened differently. It's reassuring to know that other women have shared in these feelings of regret or vulnerability and that it's just as complicated for them as well.

Thank you Liz for warmly and honestly shining a light on the crack in the BFF mystique!

(I received a copy of this book from Simon & Schuster Free Press in exchange for an honest review. Information about the book provided by the publisher.)